Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
