no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
