its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
