There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
