Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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