just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
