I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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