I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
