I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
