It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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