Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
