Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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