do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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