What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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