"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
