I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize