this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
