you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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