I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
