it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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