Whod you bang
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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