Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
