i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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