Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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