he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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