If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
