She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
