I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
