Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
