ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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