i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
