i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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