All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
