life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
