Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
