Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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