someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
