Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
