I queefed so loud it echoed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
