you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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