but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
