he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
