tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
