so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sorry my hands just texted you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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