I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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