some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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