I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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