you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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