I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
and you fell through a lawn chair
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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