i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize