so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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