You can't special order awesome
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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