Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
