i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
