he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
