if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
