Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
