i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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