dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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