I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
