I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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