Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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