remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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