oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
